This ‘gentle parenting’ guru gives her tips for raising confident

Having a relationship with your child based on empathy and mutual respect, also known as “gentle parenting,” can make them more confident, according to one popular childcare author.  

Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who wrote “The Gentle Parenting Book,” told CNBC via telephone that “gentle” parents have a good understanding of their child’s capabilities, so the expectations around their behavior are “age appropriate.” 

In other words, she said that “gentle” parents don’t expect their child to act like an adult but empathize with their behavior. For instance, if they misbehave, she said that a “gentle” parent would seek to teach their child a better way to express their emotions, rather than to punish them. 

Ockwell-Smith explained that if children grow up in a house with less shouting and punishment it has a “massive impact on their self-esteem.” 

She also said that calmer, more empathetic parenting also had a positive effect neurologically, in terms of the development of a child’s amygdala, which is the part of the brain responsible for emotional regulation. Ockwell-Smith said that research had shown that if children grow up in a more “supportive and nurturing” environment then that part of their brain grows larger.

“So you’ve literally grown the part of their brain that’s responsible for their emotions and being calm when they’re older,” Ockwell-Smith said. 

For instance, a study conducted by a researcher at the University of Montreal, published in March, indicated that “harsh parenting practices” could actually stunt the growth of a child’s brain. A 2012 study on preschool children by academics from Washington University indicated a “positive effect of early supportive parenting on healthy hippocampal development,” which is a brain region key for memory, learning and stress modulation.

A 2016 paper from Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child cited research which found more than a million new synapses, or connections between neurons in the brain, form every second in the first few years of a child’s life. Later on, these connections are reduced, which is a process called pruning, keeping those links which are “reinforced” by what they experience and learn. The authors of the paper, therefore, argued that positive experiences in those first few years are key to creating a strong foundation for a child’s development.  

Indeed, Ockwell-Smith said that parents acted as the “architects” of a child’s life, so there was “nothing more important” than how they were raised in those early years. 

She explained that there were three main styles of parenting: Authoritarian, authoritative (also known as “gentle parenting”) and permissive. 

In contrast to “gentle parenting,” the authoritarian approach…