How LGBTQ+ seniors can tackle their special caregiving challenges

Margaret Roesch, 67, and her wife Pat McAulay, 68, wanted to have a supportive community around them as they grew older. So they helped to create a cohousing development for LGBTQ+ seniors and allies, making it easier to offer support to one another. 

“We said we don’t want to have to go back in the closet when we get older,” said Roesch from the front porch of her home in Durham, North Carolina. 

Opened in 2020, the Village Hearth is a neighborhood of 28 one-story accessible homes for residents ages 55 and up — and one of few housing developments in the country specifically designed with LGBTQ+ people and allies in mind.  

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“We decided that we were going to be better in community, after having spent eight lonely years in Florida,” McAulay said. “It’s so rewarding to know there’s 30-some people here who have our backs.” 

“I find it very refreshing,” Roesch added. “We’re all going to die.

“People will get sick,” she added. “These things are going to happen, but we also find that we are really good at taking care of each other.”

Older adults in the LGBTQ+ community are twice as likely to be single and four times less likely to have children as their non-LGBTQ+ peers, according to SAGE, a national advocacy organization for LGBTQ+ elders. They may also be estranged from members of their family who don’t accept their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

“A lot of people in their 70s and 80s who have been closeted, they don’t feel safe and they remain closeted while going through care — that’s a stress,” said certified financial planner Stephanie Lee, founder of East Rock Financial in San Francisco. “You’re trying to get a caregiver, and you’re hiding who you are or hiding your relationship.”

Experts say that makes it especially important to have an aging plan early. 

“As with any stage of life, planning is unique and personal to the individual,” said CFP Kyle Young, a senior vice president at Morgan Stanley Wealth Management in New York. “The key is to start a conversation, educate yourself and finalize plans to assure your wishes are made clear.”